Monday, May 20, 2013

The Shower

SCENE: A small bathroom, barely wide enough for two people to walk abreast. 

Enter MAMA, carrying MUNCHKIN in one hand, and a baby swing, laden with toys, in the other. She squeezes into the bathroom, pivots, and sets the swing down between her and the door.

MA: Okay, little one; since you're not tired, Mommy's going to get a shower! Isn't that exciting? And you're going to play with your toys while Mommy gets clean! Yay!

MUN: (Excited gurgle)

MA: Okay, we're putting you in your swing now. We're buckling up your seatbelt! Whoops! You're a slippery little guy, aren't you? All right, you're all buckled up now, here's your swirly abacus, and here's your molecule - let's turn on your swing, and Mommy can get in the shower now! (turns on music, turns on shower, steps in)

MUN: (excitedly swinging and playing with toys) Bvvvv-bvvvv-bvvvvv!

MA: (hiding) Wheeeeere's Mommy? (peeking out from behind the curtain) PEEK-a-boo! (repeat 2 more times)

MUN: (giggle - happy squeal)

MA: (from other end of curtain) PEEK-a-boo! I'm over here now! Okay, Mommy's going to take a shower now - play with your toys; I'm right here!

MUN: Eeee! (giggle, watches lights, plays with toys)

MA: (As she puts her head under the steaming water) Aaaah! Baby, Mommy's so haaaaaappy! She hasn't had a shower since Thursday! (begins to soap up hair)

MUN: (whimper)

MA: (poking soapy head out) It's okay, Baby! Mommy's right here, see? I'll sing you a song so you can hear me. (singing and rinsing hair) "Good niiiiiiight, my someone, good niiiii-"


MA: (getting soap in eyes) ow - It's okay! I'm here! (resumes singing) "my love; sleep tiiiiiiiiiight, my someone, sleep tiiiiiight, my -"

MUN: (high-pitched scream)

MA: (realizes this will not be smooth sailing, frantically begins washing faster) I'm here, Baby, I'm here! (singing louder) "Our STAAAAAAR -"

MUN: (begins crying in earnest)

MA: (pokes head out again, half-covered in soap) See, here I am! 

MUN: (through tears) Uuuuh?

MA: I'm almost done, sweetie. Just a few more minutes, okay? I'm right here! (back in shower, begins soaping most important areas as quickly as possible and singing at top of lungs) "ITS BRIIIIIIGHTEST LIIIIIIIIIGHT, FOR GOODN-"

MUN: SCREEEEEEEEAM!!!! (cry, cry, cry)

MA: It's okay! (sings desperately) "MY LOOOVE-"

MUN: (crying harder)

MA: I'm here! (wails) "FOR GOODNIIIIIGHT..."


MA: Okay, okay, sweet pea! Mommy's almost done! (frantically rinsing, ignoring unimportant bits, sings) "SWEET DREEEEEAMS BE YOURS, DEAR..."


MA: I'm done! I'm done! (shuts off water, grabs towel, throws back curtain) Ta-daaaaa! See, I'm done! Mommy's here!

MUN: (Instantly stops crying; sniffs, then huge smile) Yee Aaa-aaah! (giggle)

MA: (Sigh.)

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